Roadtrips suck
by GrathLongfletch
Summary: A lonely girl ends up in Hidden Sand with a secret past. She's looking for the Akatsuki, but not for a good reason. She also needs the help of her cousin. Heading for Leaf, she's got strange company. And what's her secret that she's hiding? OC.
1. Where'd the village go?

**Yay! My first Naruto fanfic!**

**Me: Wonder how this will turn out.**

**Sasuke: I don't know. Hope they flame you!**

**Me:*uses awesome genjutsu against him***

**Sasuke: I will make you Milo now, Master.**

**Me: Mwahahaha! :D I don't own anything!**

Yeah, my life sucks. You see, my parents are partners with the Akatsuki and I want nothing to do with it. I'm stuck I hiding in The Village Hidden in the Clouds, because they're paranoid of other people siding with their enemies. I'm stuck in the basement, they might take me in for questioning, so I'm hiding it out. Luckily my mom was crazy enough to create a second kitchen in here. "Incase we have an all out war," yeah. And we can all live in the kitchen and not see sunlight for about until I'm old because we didn't come out to see if the war was over. Stupid, stupid parents.

I'm rambling aren't I? Well, my name is Ukasti Anami. I'm 18, and I've got purple onyx eyes, long black hair, and tanned skin. I'm a bit on the tall side, and I studied ninjutsu and genjutsu. I'm a pro at that type of thing. Well, there is one complication. One day, I was practicing my transformations, and I turned into a black cat (I was aiming for a panther). I couldn't turn back into my original form, so I was stuck as a cat until I figured out (I taught myself, smart me) how to do gen and ninjutsu in cat form. I can now transform into my old form at will and I basically live in it, but cat's my default form (Lucky me! Not). I can also talk in cat form. Anyway, I'm perfectly fine living in a basement, all alone, no friends…. Oh forget this! I need human communication, and not from behind bars!

"Are you sure you sensed someone down here?" Shit! They found me!

I quickly transformed (more like untransformed, pfft) into my cat form and slunk up the stairs and into the passageway. The two walked right passed me! I'm that good at hiding. Well, I was in the shadows and I'm also black, that could've helped. Anyway, I ran out of my house and down the lane. Dogs tried eating me (I hypnotized them into eating their tails), kids tried to pick me up (I don't like being manhandled) and I finally got the gate. Unfortunately, an ANBU team came back from a mission and one of them picked me up.

"She's sooo cute!" the boy cooed.

"How do you know it's a girl?" another asked.

"She's just so beautiful!" awwww. I won't scratch your eyes out, only everyone else's.

"Put the poor thing down!" Huban (the sensei) droned. He's incredibly boring, I know because he used to teach me.

He put me down (yay!) and I sprinted (if cats can do that) out of the gates and into the unknown. Well, I knew where I was, I must just beware of the death drop cliff at the end of the path. There's a trail on the side of the mountain. And, gasp! There were clouds. I ran down the trail and into the woods, feeling a bit safer, I slowed to a walk. This is nice-ish, walking alone, by yourself, in the woods. Alone. Crack! OHMIGOSHWHATWASTHAT! I sprinted for the rest of the week (taking naps and food here and there). Until, I hit nothing but desert. Okay, I know my geography wasn't up to scratch, but last time I checked, wasn't there supposed to be a village here or something?

"This sucks," I mumbled as I walked for about, 2, 3 hours?

"Maybe they got buried when a sandstorm hit," I asked myself.

"Maybe you're walking in the wrong direction," I jumped as high as a cat could.

Trying to keep up appearances (literally), I hissed at the redheaded boy. He smiled, weirdo.

"Nice to meet you. You do know that you passed the village and hour and a half ago, right?" I sighed, I thought it looked a bit lonely out here. Since he knows.

"Who are you? Why can you talk? Why are you here?" this kid doesn't shut up does he?

"My name is Neko. I forgot where the Village Hidden in the Sand was because it's so freaking invisible," I cut him off.

"My name's Gaara," I blinked.

"Gaara?" I said, emphasizing the 'G'.

"Gaara," he nodded.

"Gaara?"

"Gaara," he confirmed.

"Gaar-" he cut me off.

"Yes! Gaara. Jeesh, what's wrong with you?" he rubbed his temples.

"Funny name. Well, Gaara. I am a ninja trapped in transformation. And I'm lucky because I can talk. Haha," he looked at me.

"I'll show you," I turned into my human form.

He stared at me. Hah! I'm smexy aren't I? You can't have this little boy.

"What?"

"You have weird eyes," thank you genius! Not.

"Let's go!" he pivoted on his right heel and set out on a fast walk.

It felt like centuries before we got to that 'evil' town. It was an illusion, stupid hidden village! Well, I need food and a place to stay before I head out to find my cousins. Hope they don't hate me, oh well. Everyone stared at me as we went past, don't they have anything better to do? Do they have to stare at me? Do they know I'm geographically challenged? Is that even a word? Who cares! Well… I do. We stopped in front of hat I assume to be the Kazekage's office block thing. I looked at my newly dubbed 'T-Boy' (T for talkative). He smiled encouragingly (stupid smile, I was liking him already) and I walked inside. The first room was… spacious? Now where's the office? I walked around a bit, trying to look like I knew what I was doing. A few people glanced my way until I walked down the corridor.

"Where are you going?" T-Boy likes following and annoying people.

"To the Kazekage," I replied.

He smiled.

"You walked right past it. There was a sign with an arrow 'Kazekage', pointing to the room," okay, I'm now just sexy. Waa.

He showed me to the office, People gave me weird looks. I'm special, okay! And led me inside.

"Just incase you missed the door," he joked. Haha, freakin ha.

"Yondaime Kazekage, a new traveller was looking for us," at least he didn't say I was lost.

"What's your name miss?" he looked….. intimidating-there I said it!

"Neko Jutser, sir," I felt like being formal.

"Why have you travelled here Neko?" scary.

"Well, I come from The Village Hidden In The Clouds and two of our ANBU had betrayed us and went into partnership with the Akatsuki," he grimaced a that word. Nice.

Done first chap!

Me: Please review, hope you like it.

Sasuke: Byes


	2. Boots!

**Next chappie! Sorry, was on vaca if you didn't check my profile.**

**Me: Fun!**

**Sakura: Whatever.**

**Me: * Uses genjutsu to bring me more Milo.**

**Sakura: *Makes Milo***

**Me: I don't own them! Except for Anami.**

"Continue," Yondaime scared me a bit.

"Well, the Raikage totally freaked out and put the whole village into lockdown mode. No one was allowed in or out of the village. This incident happened about 2 months ago."

"No wonder I haven't heard anything from them. Carry on," I took a deep breath.

"Well, there have been minor attacks on the village, but they were more like reminders that anyone could betray them next, since the two ANBU who left were of the highest rank. I managed to escape-I mean leave without being detected and bring the news to you."

"And why would ou want to do that? Your leader obviously doesn't want any help," smartass.

"I am concerned about our supplies. Since the lockdown, we have not been able to hunt as wide as we usually do. The food sources are slowly but surely drying up. I ask if you would be so kind to deliver some supplies o my poor village. I, on the other hand, have to travel to the Village Hidden in the Leaves. I quest for my two cousins," phew! I said that all in one breath.

Yondaime pondered my speech for a while. I fidgeted while I waited. T-Boy just stared around the room. After a century, the man looked at me.

"I will send provisions to your homeland, but what will you do in return?" Shit!

"Well….. I could take Red here on a cross-country trip if you like. Get him out of your hair for a while. I'll protect him with my life, I swear!" If he doesn't annoy that crap outta me first.

"Gaara, do you approve?" T-Boy nodded enthusiastically.

"I promise to obey everything that she says and be good," bad choice of words buddy. Now I can make you my cross-country servant.

"I could pay for the provisions given to my land," Yondaime shook his head with a smile.

"You need not pay, it was a selfless thing to do, looking out for our land like that. Since provisions will be needed for your trip, you may spend the night here and leave at high noon. I don't know why I trust you, but I know can to keep him safe. If happens to him, it'll be on your head," I nodded enthusiastically.

"Well you must be hungry, Gaara, please take our gust out for lunch. I need to organise the expeditions."

T-Boy nodded and led me outside, spacious halls. People glanced at us when we walked down the street to a cute little restaurant. Hope they have Ramen, it's my energy food. Yum, yum! We sat down and ordered our food. I got impatient waiting for my food, since Red wouldn't stop talking since the Kazekage's office. I was ecstatic when the food came to shut him up.

"Thanks!" was all I said before inhaling the whole bowl. Man I was hungry.

I was done before Red was halfway. When that waiter came back I ordered seconds, then thirds. Before I could ask for another round, Red asked for the bill. I didn't blame him, the poor waiter looked a bit flustered, so did he. I knew why when I saw the bill. Oh well, good thing I stole-borrowed some money my mother's chest. I lie. I took all of it. I paid and tipped the nice man for fun. Gaara asked if I wanted to bunk at his house or at the closest Inn. Guess what I chose?

"Welcome to my humble abode. You can stay in the guest room down the hall," his house was big!

"Do you have a big bath?" he nodded.

"See you in an hour Red," good thing I bought all the essentials before getting here.

"Where is it?"

"Next to your room," sweet!

I rushed down the hallway and into the bathroom with my shopping in 5 seconds. Red was still probably rubbing dust out of his eyes. Sucker. The bath was HUGE, I loved it. After 40 minutes in the bath, I got out and got dressed. I had to do my hair and everything! I'm obsessed with long baths, I love them. Opening the door, I walked into my room and packed my things into my newly bought rucksack. Hopefully when I change, it changes with me. After everything was packed, and me in my jammies, I walked into the kitchen to make supper, since it was already dark.

"Red, what do you want?" I shouted so he could hear me over the TV.

"Anything! But don't you want me to make it?" him? Make me food? I'll die of food poisoning.

"It's fine. Making noodles. Promise you won't die!" he didn't even respond! Sym-Bionic Titans must be his favourite.

After supper, I went to bed. It was like heaven. I just laid my head on the pillow and BAM! I was asleep.

Waking up, I smelt something like pancakes. Please don't tell me he's cooking! Yawning, I got dressed and went to brush my teeth. When they were minty fresh, I strolled down the hallway to see Gaara in an apron making pancakes. He looked like Dad, besides being small and having red hair and 'love' tattooed on your forehead. I gotta ask about that. I hefted my back pack-I couldn't believe that everything fitted in there, 'twas a miracle! I sat at the counter waiting while he whistled some unknown song, and nearly shat himself when he saw me. The only smart thing he said was "Gaah?" before almost dropping the pan.

"Morning," I smiled sweetly.

"Please don't do that, I don't want to die before going on a field trip."

"Don't you mean sand trip?" hahaha. I'm hilarious.

After we ate some pancakes for breakfast (amazingly I didn't die) we went for a proper tour around the village. I was so hot we had to stop every 20 minutes for a drink. He introduced me to about over 15 people (to kill time) and some of them were really nice. Others looked at me strangely, rude! I think it's my eyes. Oh well, I'm nothing special. Kinda. Ooooooo! Combat boots! I practically dragged Red into the shop where I goggled at the shoes.

"Must have, MUST HAVE!" I dragged him over to the counter where the clerk looked a bit frightened. Not my problem.

"I must have those boots! HOW MUCH!" yeah, I'm crazy for guy stuff. It's cool okay!

"T-they're not for sale, m-ma'am," don't care.

"I'll pay you anything! I. MUST. HAVE. THEM!" he practically wet his pants. Yeah, be afraid of the black-haired chick. I really could be a part of the Akatski.

"I c-can't sell th-them. M-my boss w-won't like i-it," Red tried tugging at my sleeve. Not now, I'm gonna scare him into giving me the boots.

"Don't make your problems, my problems. You can buy another pair," he started shaking.

"People are watching," Red warned. Go away.

After a long stare down, he broke and I paid him with a big cash wad. Smiling triumphantly, I followed Red out with boots in hand. I AM INVINCIBLE!

**Didya like it?**

**Me: Please review.**

**Anami: I love this fic.**

**Clerk: Sh-she's scary!**


	3. Lollipop Land

**Next happy chappie! Sorry for delay, had no internet and was busy with 5 projects. Uncapped hadn't arrive and getting this week.**

**Me: I own only Anami.**

**Anami: Yay!**

**Sasuke: Hooray! For me that is.**

**Anami: You're just jealous!**

"Right, this way," I hope he knows where he's going. Cause I sure don't.

All I could se was and, sand and-wait? What was that? Oh yeah, more sand. It was boring and Red over there made it worse by talking. I wonder what living with the Akatsuki is like? I laugh they were kind and polite to each other, that would be a real shocker. I wonder if the supplies have reached home? No Anami, home is where the heart is. Wait-does that mean my heart is with the Akatsuki? Haha, I fall in love with an Akatsuki member, cliché. Evil love. Oh dear, what shall we do for our honeymoon? We're gonna rule the world! Oh how romantic! And our children shall continue our reign or terror and we'll live evilly ever after! I can't wait!

We must have walked like, for eternity, cause the sun was already setting. Damn this place is huge! I bet you could spend a lifetime trying to find civilisation. I called Red back so we could set up camp, never travel at night. When my parents and I used to camp out, we would take a night walk around. Once, my dad fell into a fox den and it attacked him, luckily Mom hypnotised it into going to sleep. Now Dad is covered in scratches and has a black eyepatch and is bald. Very much Akatsuki material pops. Mom has this purple-black long hair, purple onyx eyes (duh) and is tanned like dad. I don't know where I got my tallness though, they're both short-ish. Well, know you know why they can't know what my parents look like. They'll make the connection and think I'm in cahoots with them traitors. But I want to destroy them, harsh right? Oh well, I'm good at making fires, suck at lightning thought. How depressing!

We cooked some rations, ate half (not surprised) and went to sleep-or tried to. Reverting into my normal form (don't want to burn out now) I snuggled into my too-big sleeping bag. I knew he was awake because of his breathing, love my upper cat hearing. I hope my cousins will believe my story, will they even trust me? They should, they're the only good family I have left.

"Can you make lightning?" damn you! Go to sleep.

"No, I'm pathetic. Can't even make a spark. I'm the only one in lightning country that can't make lightning! And my family is from lightning country! My cousin can do it! But not me, even when I was still human!" hope that shut him up. The truth will set you free, or at least give you some quiet time.

"Then you're special, an original. You're not pathetic, not to me. Who else could make the second scariest person in Hidden Sand shake like a leaf? You're awesome," wow, he wasn't annoying!

"Thanks."

"What's you're family like?" long night, here we come!

"Well, I've got 2 cousins up at Leaf, as you know and my parents were kind, loving, loony and caring."

"What happened to them?" Oh, the only person I meet on this stupid planet who can read between the lines, is annoying and won't shut up. The world hates me I tell you!

"What you mean?" let's play dumb. He turned (or squirmed) around to face me.

"You said 'were' like they were dead or something," nosy little yapper aren't you?

"They disappeared a long time ago," silence. Yay! You shut up!

"I'm sorry," I don't need you're sympathy, I need you to sleep!

"Thanks. Now shut up and go to sleep, we're waking up at dawn," I smiled sweetly.

Sadly, he woke up before me, drat! I was going to pour some cold water onto his head. I woke up to being prodded on the nose and 2 eyes staring at me. Like any normal (ish) cat, I jumped up and spat at him. He jumped backwards, looked offended and smiled. Who grins at cats spitting at them? Obviously Gaara does. Creep. I mean that in a nice (ish) way. Ah well, he's my creep. Damn! I like him now! At least I'll have a baby brother I can boss around now. Yippee! Changing back, I ruffled his hair and told him to pack up, we'll eat on the go. Red led the way again, whistling merrily.

I finally saw green! Running towards the lake, I dived in-and, choked on sand. I officially hate deserts. Sitting up, I saw Red laughing like a loon, I'll get my revenge! Turning into a dog, I started digging, making sure that they sand flew into his face. I heard choking sounds. BINGO! Talk about a dog shot! Hehe, get it? Dog, shot. It's supposed to be dead shot, but I'm a dog, dog shot? Get it? Oh never mind, this is the result of staying 2 months in a basement. I patted him on the back until he glared at me.

"What? I thought you could control sand!" I tapped his sandbag.

"You caught me off guard!" he stomped on my foot. Typical little brother, it's like we were related in another life or something. Or maybe it's just all the "bonding" we've done.

"Payback for letting me eat sand," he rolled his eyes.

We trekked for another century, Red says it's been 5 days, we finally hit real grass. The forest looked a bit intimidating, but I won't tell Red that. I followed Red in because he knew where we were going. We stopped at a river to take clean water and cool off, for fun I pushed him in. He resurfaced and spat water into my face. Little runt. He climbed out and forcefully gave me a hug. I gave him a bad hairdo and we continued after dark. Setting up camp, we debated on whether we could make it to Leaf in record time or not. I was losing. Huffing, I got into my sleeping bag and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Feed yerself, smarty pants," and with that, I went to sleep.

"Nnneeeeeekoooooo?" I moaned as someone continued to whisper in my ear. It was the most irritating voice I've ever heard in my life.

"Neko!" ah, it's Gaara. No wonder my dream turned into a nightmare halfway through.

Can I tell you? Well, it all started out when I was the Queen of Lollipop Land. I ate my subjects on a daily basis, had cotton candy receptionists, and everything was made of candy. It was beautiful. Then I heard some strange voice and everything started swirling like water down a drain. I got so dizzy, when I looked again, Gaara was leading his army of soo deliciously chewy and dangerous gummy bears into invading my country/land thing. Soo, I took my Wine gums for a counterattack, but his voice drove away all my army. He then took me as his lollipop prisoner and led into a death mission through a dessert and jungle. Practically like now-but anyway. We fought wretched dessert beasts and gummy snakes. Until a giant milkshake decided to tip over and drown us all in his chocolaty goodness. I'm off topic now, aren't I?

"NEKO!" the twit shouted in my ear.

"WHAT!" I shouted back.

He blinked before cracking a smile, weirdo.

"We're almost there," hooray! I can get rid of him when we get there. Maybe sell him for 20 bucks if I'm lucky. I could do with 20 bucks.

"What?" he noticed my evil grin, drat! Take drastic measures!

I jumped up and poured some sand down his back. Now he has no excuse not to bath, take that prat!

**Wadya think?**

**Me: Please review!**

**Anami: Hehe, I like my roll.**

**Gaara: Why do you hate me so?**


	4. In all of his Smurfiness

**Howzit?**

**Me: Sorry for late updating.**

**Anami: I hate you.**

**Gaara: Please allow me to get back at her.**

**Anami: With my pleasure.**

**Me: *Sweat drops* I don't own anything except Anami.**

"Graaaah!" he swiped aimlessly at me.

Sniggering, I ran away with him in hot pursuit. Sadly, he created a deep hole in the sand, and I fell into it. Curse you midget!

"Take that! You can stay there until I finish packing up!" and with that, he left me to rot.

Not knowing what else to do, I sat down and tried-and epically failing-to make a sandcastle that looked appealing. Now it looked like sand dumped into a pile. It took me 10 minutes to realize that I could turn into a bird and fly out (and the fact that Gaara purposely forgot me, twerp). Deciding on a Red-tailed Hawk, I transformed and flew out of the hole to go and poo on his head-another reason to go bath. But as I flew out of the hole, I saw something that I knew would bring nothing but trouble. There was no campsite-and no Gaara.

The hell? Gaara, where are you? All I could see where faint foot marks imprinted near the river. What do we have here?

Swooping down, I saw faint drag marks and a trail leading into the bushes in an easterly direction. Shit! Hope he's all right, his dad might kill me for losing him. And I might just like him a little….fine. Like a brother, happy now? Although, they might just be annoyed to death and bring him back…nah. Deciding I didn't want to move my wings anymore, I caught a ride on some thermals (it was very fun). It took me forever like, half an hour, to find the Gaara-knappers. There were at least 5 of them, all wearing these black and grey hooded outfits, which made them look like overgrown ants-but anyway.

I saw the twerp draped over one of their shoulders, hope he's not hurt. I shot down and pecked one of them on the head, then proceeded by giving another a donation. He swore and tried to barbecue me, loser. I then tried to peck out Gaara's captor's eyes, but he dodged and sucker punched me into the ground. On impact, I turned into a Bengal tiger and scratched the side of his face. I leaped up, only to get hit in the back with a ball of fire. I hit the dirt and only enough energy to transform into my human form, then I blacked out.

Shit! My head hurts…..what's that smell? My eyes shot open when I realised what had happened.

"Red? Where are you?" I tried to sit up, and locked eyes with Kisame.

He smiled at me and I glared, we didn't get on very well in the past, still don't. Slowly, I sat up to get a better look at me surroundings. I realised I was bound to a certain someone at the wrist.

"The fuck Freakshow? Must it really be the wrist?" I moved my left arm for emphasis.

"Well I was in a hurry when you got knocked out so, why not keep the two of you together so you can't move very fast, or attack properly?" he smiled a toothy grin.

I stuck out my tongue and glared some more.

"You're cute when you're angry," he knows how to get me wound up. He knows too much!

"I will destroy you!" I tried to sound menacing, but he didn't buy it. He just smirked.

Sighing, I scanned Red for any injuries. Turns out they used some herbs to put him to sleep, and that he was snoring as loud as a tractor. Great. I growled at Kisame before checking out the rest of my captors. I spotted Tobi stacking up sticks-probably because he was bored. The other two were marionettes, figures since they didn't stumble when I attacked. But I'm missing one person, wonder where it is? Kisame and I ended up in a face-pulling competition-weird how we can still be quite good friends. Or at least pretending to be, we still kid ourselves.

"Idiot," I mumbled and Kisame and I got into another glaring match. He is soo gonna lose!

He won! The little rat cheated, he blew onto my face. Cheater! I spat in his eye for revenge and Tobi burst out laughing, he's the only one I like ya know.

"What are you doing?" another voice piped up.

"Planning on how to kick his sorry ass," I sneered as I turned to face the newcomer.

He raised an eyebrow and a corner of his mouth twitched. Don't you dare laugh at me! Even though you are kind of good-looking. Shut up brain!

"And how, pray tell, are you going to do that?" he looked smug.

"I'll think of something, and since when are you with the Akatsuki? Never seen you before. Why do you have 2 sharingan?" I piled him with questions to give myself more time to think of an answer. He looked a bit confused. Me likey.

"You're talking too fast, he doesn't understand you," Kisame nudged me.

"Oh, and you do? What did I just say Mr Smarty-pants?" he smirked and recited all of my questions, but slowly. GL nodded and tilted his head at me.

"Sidetracking won't help you," stupid, smart guy…

"Unnng," Red tried to turn over. Deciding on doing the reasonable thing, I punched him in the arm. Hey, I didn't want to be all alone with GL and Freakshow okay! Tobi doesn't count, he's bad. But not at heart….anyway.

"Wake up Red, we have company," I nudged him.

"Maaa, five more minutes," he whined. GL smirked.

"Yes, a very great opponent….." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"What's your name anyway?" I asked as Gaara snuggled up to me.

"Dude, wake up! We have captors to attend to!" he snorted and opened his eyes.

"Whaaaaa-" he stiffened, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, the Akatsuki, they caught us," I turned to Kisame.

"And the only reason you beat me was because I was out of practise. I **was** stuck in a basement for 2 years ya know," he smirked at me.

"Whatever you say…." to satisfy my anger, I punched him hard in the arm, I smiled as he yelped.

"Take that sucker."

"Need I remind you that you are outnumbered two to one? And it's Itachi," he raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks, now I can put the face to the name."

"Isn't it the other way round?" Tobi questioned me.

"Who cares? Now what do you want us for?" K shook his head.

"We never wanted you, Orochimaru wanted the twerp for something, I just became bycatch when you dive-bombed our marionettes," oh, I can deal with that.

"To tell the truth, he thought you were dead, been missing for 2 years. That's why he didn't ask for you," a stone whizzed by from Tobi's direction.

"Tobi didn't do it!" he pointed to the marionette next to him, who was playing with some boulders under his instruction.

"Don't worry Tobe's, hit him again!" I smiled encouragingly.

Gaara and Itachi looked at my quizzically.

"What? I've heard about all of them!" I tried to cover up my mistake.

They seemed to take that, but Kisame smiled knowingly and stuck out his tongue, only he would act like that around me. I hate him, the Smurf.

**Sorry for the really late update. I've got lots of projects and it's near exam time.**

**Me: Hope you likey.**

**Kisame: You're an idiot…**

**Anami: Shut up! I was caught up in the moment.**

**Tobi: Whatever you say…**


	5. Pretty pretty, shiny shiny

**Hey! Long weekend chappy time! ^^**

**Me: Random update!**

**Anami: Not really….**

**Me: Shurrup!**

**Gaara: *grumbles in sleep***

**Me: Who said he could sleep on my couch?**

**Anami: Who cares?**

This royally sucks, wait, I've missed something….

"Why don't you have your cloaks on?" I like the cloaks, don't judge!

"We were going undercover so that no one will recognise us, meaning less fighting, and less wasting our time….." Itachi droned on, how boring! But he looks gooooooood!

Bad brain! He's Kisame's acquaintance, partner, friend, group member, whatever! He's off limits, no matter what! Can't believe Smurfy gets to see that all day, wow, what's wrong with me? Must look like I'm staring at him-I can't allow fish face to know that I might be getting a crush on him; he will never let me live it down. You wanna know how I know him? Well toughies! The only information that I'm giving you is that it was on a family trip to Kiri, it sucked. And he was a complete jacka-

"Are you listening to me?" Itachi's voice sounded annoyed.

"Wha? Oh yeah!" I put on the biggest, cheesiest smile ever to piss him off-it didn't work. I only managed to get Gaara to look at me strangely and Kisame to bust out laughing.

"Don't-don't-don't take it too personally 'Tachi, she does that to everyone, or she's just tired," I stuck my tongue out at him.

"I'm tired moron! How much chakra did I use when we fought? And I also needed a chakra replenish BEFORE you kidnapped my charge," Kisame spluttered with laughter.

"Your CHARGE?" and continued laughing. Douche.

"Well, temporary charge, and I haven't tried to kill him yet," Gaara raised an eye.

"Okay, maybe once, but still!" Itachi just stared, sharingan are creepy.

"Oh, and since he's an Uchiha, he obviously gets 2 Sharingan, idiot!" Kisame laughed harder. Ooops, my badness. I don't know a lot about kekki genkais anyway, and I didn't know that you get 2 sharingans! Give a girl a break.

"Well, what are we gonna do now?" I blew my bang out of my face and glared at him.

"Take you and your charge hostage," Kisame burst into a fit of giggles when Itachi said charge.

"You blue asshole! Shut the fuck up already!" this only made him laugh harder.

I rolled my eyes and lay down again, not wanting to listen to his laughing and too tired to care if I sleep in enemy camp. It's not like hostages DO anything okay! Gaara just quirked an eyebrow (like he has any*snigger*) and followed my lead.

"Awwwww, is the annoying girl tiwed?" Kisame teased.

"Guess what Kis?"

"What?"

"I had shark soup for breakfast."

"FUCK YOU!" I sniggered some more. Yeah, we know every single way to get under each other's skin.

Itachi rolled his eyes and Tobi bounded up with a flower necklace made up with pretty red, dark blue, and purple flowers. I love him! So cutesy!

"Here kawaii-chan! I mad it for you!" he dropped it around my neck. You here that? I'm kawaii!

"Arigato Tobi! It's very pretty," I smiled sweetly at him.

"Yaaaaaay! The kirei girl likes my flowers!" the bundle of energy danced away.

What an idiot….." Kisame mumbled.

"But he's your idiot!" I said with a fake smile.

"You're the one that got caught," I stuck my tongue out at him.

He just smiled and walked off to start a fire, since it was getting dark. And what about getting Gaara for Orochimaru? He's a Jinchuuriki for fuck's sake! Shouldn't he like, be hoisted away to get the Bijuu sucked from his soul and him get killed? What the fuck? This is some warped shit man. What happened in 2 years? And why are they even doing this for Orochimaru? He defected from the group how long ago? Still wonder why, maybe I should be nosy and ask. I mean, wouldn't Pein be nuts on getting back the Bijuu for some random shit he plans to do? Then why give it to one of Akatsuki's enemies? And when did 'Tachi join? Where the hell are my parents? Wait, probably in Ame or on a mission. Probably on a mission since Dad's a workaholic. Yeah….. I have nothing else to say right now, so back to the peanut gallery!

"Tobi! Stop giving flower necklaces!"

"But Red-chan! You look so cute with it ooooonn!" Oh, Tobi's only annoying the shit out of Gaara, nothing much has happened then.

"So Kisame, who is this girl? Since you seem to know her quite well," so he like's to get to the point when there's nothing else to talk about? Fair enough.

"Who? The shit-licker?"

"Hey Soupie!"

"I thought we agreed never to call me that!" he glared at me.

"Then don't call me shit-licker and we'll be fine," I sent one back at him.

We then went into a glaring competition that lasted 10 minutes before Itachi cleared his throat. We blinked simultaneously before turning to glare at him.

"Hey! You made us draw!" we said in unison, then glared at each other.

"Oi! Stop that! No, you stop that!" It continued like that until Kis realised one thing.

"Wait! How come YOU'RE the only person that makes me act like this?" he said accusingly.

"Because…I am…..awesome?" I said unsurely.

"You only wish," he said with a smirk, I smirked right back. Totally not friends.

"Anyway, this is my dear acquaintance Anami, her surname is confidential for confidential reasons…" yeah right. You just don't want him to know that m parents are part of Akatsuki. But he's still not my friend! So don't get any ideas…..I'm watching you! *slitted eyes* Yeah.

"So we met about 3 years ago in Kiri, a very funny story that I will NOT be sharing with you…" why? Too embarrassing.

Fine dear readers, I shall tell you how we know each other, but not right know! Oops, I mean….NOW! Yes, umm*coughcough* that sounds more like the way you should spel it. um *coghcoughcough* We..uh…seem to be having some technical difficulties..erm..yes! That's it! Let's return to our soap-story! Yeah, um, story! umm. Bzzzzr! Bzzzr! Problems with the,bzzzzr, signal! ummm-

"What the fuck are you doing?" oops! Sidetracked, again. Hehe.

"Nothing!" I smiled brightly as I retieved my hand from Itachi's hair.

"Heh, don't worry Itachi, your hair's just shiny, she can't resist shiny objects."

"Shuddup!" it's not my fault they're fascinating.

**Done again!**

**Me: What you think?**

**Anami: You abandoned us again….**

**Me: Shut up! Please review.**

**Kisame: Anami, look! *points to Itachi's hair***

**Anami: Oooooo! Pretty pretty, shiny shiny!**

**Itachi: I'm surrounded by idiots…*facepalms***


	6. Bandits yawn

**Hello again!**

**Me: Sorry for the no updating for over a month, had schoolwork and essays and projects to do…..**

**Anami: Just get on with it!**

Poke. Nothing. Pokepokepokepokepokepoke-

"STOP IT!" Kisame screamed at me.

"Hehehehehe…" he's scary…

"Why do you insist on poking me when you know I hate it?" Kis pouted.

"Because it's fun. Sorry." I apologized and Gaara gave me a look. Stupid no eyebrows, you'll never understand!

"Don't worry kawaii-chan! Tobi is here to make everyone better!" Tobi twirled around the campfire in the dark. So cute!

"Tobi, it's everything," Itachi corrected.

"Naaa, when are you gonna let us go?" worth a shot eh?

"Never. The Jinchuuriki is going to Orochimaru and you are coming with us," Kisame stuck out his tongue.

Eh? Why are they even communicating with the snake shit? They don't even like each other! This mystery shall be solved before they take away Gaa-chan! Now how to get away from 2 S-ranked ninja without dying… This might take a while. Heh, Tobi is making a sand castle out of dirt he dug up. Maybe if I could roll Kis into it and bury him without getting caught, there'll be one less douche in the world. That's a good plan. Very, very good plan. Then we could have shark soup for breakfast….

"There she goes again!" fuck it. If fate doesn't kill the bastard then I will!

"So she does that all the time?" Itachi inquired, observing me.

"Yep, it's quite funny."

"Shut up!" Gaara, glared at them while wiggling in his chakra restraining cuffs. Someone's not happy…

Kisame laughed and continued poking the fire with a stick, damned annoying fish-faced bastard! But I like his family-no! Bad Anami-sama! Gave away more unidentified-I mean confidential information! What do you have to say for yourself? Dahahahahahahaha-

"Why is she laughing?" Crap I said that out loud!

"She's not normal!" I glared at Mr. Annoying.

Laughing some more, Smurfy ruffled my hair (to which I tried to bite him) and lay down. Guess we'd have to go to sleep now for an early morning, must still think of an escape plan. I'm screwed… Oh wells, might not be so bad, besides the imminent death of Gaara when he's delivered to Orochimaru….. Damn. Oh well, I shall sleep on it! Meow, I am sooo bored. Anyway, to pass the time trying to sleep, my parents were very popular in my village, always helpful and cheery, a bit strange though. Everyone knew them from either getting called on for too many tasks or from allowing us to stay at their house when mom set the kitchen on fire when cooking. Dad was no better….. Anyway, they were kinda known by everyone and I had a few friends here and there. And….

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z.

"WAKE UP KAWAAI-CHAN! MORNING TIME!" I gave a shrill shriek as Tobi oh-so-cheerily screamed into my ear. Damn him!

"I'm up! I'm up!" I stumbled to my feet. Gaara was a little dreary-eyed until he realised where we were, then he started glaring at everything, what a joy he is!

Anyway, we all got up, destroyed what's left of the fire, and then continued to travel to our doom. It's actually quite nice, despite being woken up before the blasted sun. Damn you all to hell bastards! Except Tobi, he's too precious! As well as Gaara, Kazekage-sama will kill me….. I think that's everyone well accounted for. It's really boring right now since Kisame is probably too tired to even respond to my teasing the idiot. Gaara and 'Tachi are out of the question, and it would go straight over Tobi's head. I still need to find a way out of this mess, back to leaf, and to my cousins, if they even want me in the first place…..

"Hey you with the face?" why not get a little proposition done eh?

"What?" Kisame answered drowsily. HAH! He answered to that!

"If I join you guys and do a couple of missions for you, will you let me and the twerp go?" everyone stopped to stare at me.

"WHAT!" Gaara exploded as Kisame burst out laughing.

"Ever the impulsive one eh? Sure why-" he got hit on the head by Itachi.

"Don't even consider it Kisame. The deal is essential for our goal. So don't even think about it!" Itachi warned him while Red was still glaring at me.

"What?"

"Why do you even think up such stupid things?" he asked, still glaring.

"Cause I just do?" it's not that complicated…..

Another few minutes left in silence, if only I could get the damned key from 'Tachi, then we could run away happily! Yeah, if they don't catch and gut us first. Damn me and getting into randomly deadly situations. I hate it! Continuing our walk, I hoped with all of my heart that someone would kindly rescue us, so we could run away happily into the sunset-or the day since the sun just rose and we'd have to wait a long time for the sunset. Damn I hate my life…

"Gah!" Tobi collapsed when a couple of shuriken appeared out of no where. He bounced back out to deflect a couple of kunai as well.

"Bandits!" Gaara stated beside me.

"No shit!" I replied as they materialised.

They looked stupid though, masks and just trying to be intimidating. They remind me of some teens coming from a costume party. They appeared like a flock-or something of vultures over the carcass of a dying/dead animal. Never knew I had poetic licence! Or is it a poetic licence? Oh wells, grammar don't matter! Or maybe it doesn't? Who knows…

"Fresh meat! yeah!" Fish-face cheered as he sped towards his adversaries.

Itachi just stood there, all passive and watch Kisame and Tobe's beat the shit out of them. Lol. Maybe being a captive isn't so bad…..

**Done!**

**Me: I'm back for the holidays! YAY!**

**Anami: Woop woop!**

**Gaara: You spelt it wrong….**

**Anami: Who cares? Review!**


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